+Got FUDGED+

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. Seriously. I Got Fudged.What other words could sum it up? Well okay, to elaborate, I got an interview on Fudge Magazine.

Believe it or not, a starting out artist like me, who turned his life around because of an episode of Seinfeld, was interesting to the Fudge Magazine people. I met miss Anna Gan at the first KOMIK KON in UP Diliman October 22, 2005 at the UP Bahay ng Alumni at their booth doing their trade mark Fudge Paparazi for the whole article on the KOMIK KON and and were there having a slice of comic advertisement for their November issue last year. She enthusiastically told us to advertise our comic and well, like I said, they’d put it up on one of their issues and we did so. And it was really published and to our surprise EiYa and I were really there. The article was entitled INK + PAPER the first Philippine Komiks Convention. After which, we gave her a copies of EiYa + Luci and SATANHIGH.

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August 2006. My cell phone rang when EiYa and I were hanging out at my house watching TV. And guess who? It was Miss Anna, and she asked me if it was okay to interview me for the Magazine. I told her yes, absolutely. And we scheduled the interview for September 5th, a Tuesday. She told me then that I should come as I was when she sees me in conventions. I told her no problem and that would be easy, too easy. I asked her if I should bring anything, my artworks, etc. and she told me I should bring what I please to bring. I told her okay then, with a final remake she said, come as you are. And we ended the conversation. I told EiYa and she was psyched, and I tell you, we both were but, I really forgot to ask what the interview was going to be about. So I though because I was an independent comic book artist, I thought it would be an article of that.

So September 5th came. Their office was at the Manila Bulletin in Muralla St. Intramuros Manila. And I was kind of late because even though going there a couple of time in Intramuros and passing by the Manila Bulletin office a few times back, I really didn’t know the exact location of it. But alas, I came. And I found the Fudge office and I really don’t know, I had the feeling I had been there before. The feeling it gave me, how the other offices looked. I dunno I really felt I’ve been there before. But it’s not something to talk about. Anyway, when I saw Ms. Anna, she told me to come in, and I told her sorry for being late, not that I’m not always late for those who know me, but I really am sorry about it. And she told me to wait a while, and I told her I’d just be in the bathroom, changing my outfit.

I told her I wasn’t in my full Marius attire yet and so she notices and tells me where to change, the male comfort room of course. Well to tell you something with what I were and when I wear what I wear it goes like this: I was wearing all black when I arrived but I tell you, that wasn’t fit for me yet that I had plan to change my first attire from the beginning. I always do that, I come into a convention or any event, with just my Normal Black clothes with no make up, and when I can feel comfortable ( meaning not feeling the Tropical heat of our country or the from-feet-to-head-to-feet-to-head-look of people that I pass by ). I really don’t really care what people say since the beginning, it’s just that, people say stupid things when you’re different, maybe even a couple of brawls and stuff, but it’s no big deal, I just don’t want that much attention from people who don’t even know where the word “gothic” came from and tell that + I + am gothic, plus the people who ask me if I am a “thrasher” do I look like I collect garbage and destroy things? it’s these people I get irritated with, I don’t blame them though, I just think they tell what’s on their mind and don’t even think of it and just wants to make a fucking scene to be noticed. I was most of the time, being misunderstood.

Back to the main story, I get undressed in the men’s room, just beside gym. And I was just combing my hair shirtless, and that usually takes a while because they’re really long, up to my ass simply put, and suddenly, these two guys, about 35 or 40 in age who were going to take a shower after they seemingly came from the gym, enter the male comfort room. And noticing I was at the mirror combing my black locks and half nude, they immediately walk out and shouted sorry. Thinking I was a woman that will scream her lungs out seeing a guy enter the comfort room possibly going to rape me. But as usual, I call them back and announce I am a man. I could prove it to them if they want but, for us guys, it’s really uncomfortable. And they laughed and they told remarks about stuff that made me look like a chick and they almost walked out. I think it was just one guy first, and when I called him back, so that he doesn’t end up in the real women’s comfort room and finally commits himself in an insanity ward, and when he was in there preparing his things after I explained I was a guy, the other one comes in and was already talking to the other guy from a distance up on seeing him in the comfort room, after a while he sees me, and he immediately jumps out of the comfort room. To me, that was a bit of hilarious. It’s because, there was concrete proof that it was a guy’s CR when he saw his gym buddy, and he doubts his friend to be 100% male when he sees me combing my hair in the same comfort room. Well, it made me laugh, up until now when I think about their faces and their reactions. This happens regularly, not rarely whenever I am in a male’s comfort room, not that I go in i a Ladies room of course. It’s because of my hair. And it happens oddly enough when I am wearing formal attire, not my manly skirt, and people really jump out after they see me in the comfort room, and as always, I fetch them back so they won’t end up in the real Ladies Room. At one time, an old lady even followed me to the comfort room. Talk about being androgynous.

When I got back, I was all set, I wore my tight velvet long sleeves, my manly skirt, ++ earrings , inverted cross, ++ bracelets, and of course black make up, we started the interview shortly. And the question on my mind about what the interview about was going to be answered, I was really reluctant on asking Miss Anna about it in the past few days, but I figured I was just going to answer questions in the interview when I comes. But, it really would help if knew what we were to talk about, like for example on comics, I would’ve read some interesting works, latest works and reviewed my favorite chapter of spider-man, or on art, I should’ve read or watched something off the TV or the net for some latest news that concerns the art community. But I really couldn’t. But one thing had my feet standing the whole time, keeping me from being nervous and still being able to show up. Well two things really. First is that, what Ms. Anna said, “come as you are” and that really for me was no problem at all. And second, was EiYa telling me doing my best. These things kept me where I was supposed to be, standing up for what I believed in since the beginning, myself. Even though sometimes, I am being misunderstood of what I am, I believed in who I was.

And do you know that the article was about? Well here are some of the ideas first that I speculated before I tell you what the main topic was about. I thought first about art, like painting and my interests and insights on the independent comic book industry and its sudden boom. The second thing I thought about was being a masochist, Ms. Anna has noticed my binded fingers from before and that might have been the topic, but I wasn’t wearing them that day. The third thing was about having a job interview, like doing comic strips for them, so I brought a CD with a lot of my works in them. But I was totally wrong. They had a different topic in mind. + me +

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Yup, I practically didn’t notice at first but, we were talking all about me, me, me, and me. Which was like a vain thing if people could read this, but vanity is a sin, and thankfully I am a sinner so don’t bother telling that to me. It was all basically about who I am and what I came to be who + what I was. The art, the all black attire, and masochism, the god that I believed in, the music, movies and shows I watch, the things I do the things I hate my belief and my world was talked about. Ms. Anna used a tape recorder to record our conversation, and at first I thought, all that I had to say was going to pop out of an article with people like me, weird people or fashion people of today. Turns out, it was a whole page about me. and I really didn’t realize it until I saw it with my own two eyes. I was in a magazine, and it was just talking about who I am. It was great really. And it was really awesome because, I’ve been what I want all this time, and it’s like no body notices, not that I want attention or anything, it’s just that, I thought I was different, and people put a lot of junk on the TV without really saying anything that really mattered.

Just a brief summary of what we talked about. She asked me how I came to be, I told her I was not really having the time of my life when I was in 2nd year high school, that I was a loser, a teenager who made no difference, a heartbroken geek that couldn’t even tell the world who he really was and what he thinks of this world. It all changed when I saw an episode of Seinfeld, when George Coztanza, the loser type guy on that show turned his life by doing the opposite of what he normally does, because he’s too fed up of the life he’s living, he decided he wants to turn it all around, and he had an idea of changing all his decisions, opposite to what he’d normally choose. And he started to order chicken sandwich instead of tuna, and he started telling the exact truth and not lying even though the truth was so embarrassing, and before you know it, she’s got a pretty girl dying to date her, bullies are cowering on his voice and he’s the assistant manager of the new York Yankees of the baseball team, he turned his whole life around by just being himself. I tried it and well, I am who I am now. I am a man controlling my destiny, choosing what I want saying things because I believe in them, listening to the voice that’s telling me, “I want that” and “this is what I am” that shoe practically changed my outlook in life, though I forget the whole opposite decision now, but one thing remains unchanged, I am true to myself. I wear what I want and do what I love. Ms. Anna even asked me why I am a masochist, I told her everything, that pain had it’s purpose, and to love pain, is like not having to fear death, because your already dead. I love pain because it reminds me I’m alive, and that it’s something real, painful but real. And I practice it bit by bit, from slicing my singers to produce blood to put on my comics, to binding my fingers for a whole week and of course, loving the emotional pain my dear lover gives me. I really am crazy if you think about it, but, I research these things before I continue doing it. It turns out masochism is a disorder. It’s nothing harmful, to others. And as long as I don’t harm others, I’m happy with my pain.

On what I wear, I told her, and she tells me as well that people call it “gothic”. Yes it is labeled “gothic” but I do not want myself to be labeled as that I tell her. I told her, the term “gothic” originated from the architects and artists of, well, the Gothic Period. It went the other way the Renaissance period was going. Having to be different is their main goal, having to pain most of their churches black, displaying flying buttresses and having to build them as high as the heavens. These people where being different, but they still had their signature their own, and I think implying the word “gothic” to me is inappropriate. It’s because even before I wore all black, I loved the color and I didn’t knew anything of the gothic period. I wanted the embrace of the dark color as it is, with out anyone telling me that it came from this period, I liked it because I do. And if I get labeled, I think it’s because I look similar to people who wear and go by the gothic fashion. No offense to the Gothic period and everyone who is embracing the term that they are “gothic” I really like that period as well, but I can’t really relate most of my interest from people who design it originally from a church and wear an inverted cross. And I also have friends who are gothic and they are okay with this “kind” of outlook of mine. But for me, I want to stay as Marius, Luci I prefer. And just that. What I am and what I wear. I am not a “thrasher” “punk” “punkista” “rakista” “rocker” “emo” “m.i.b.” “poser” “cosplayer” and like I said “gothic”. I am who I am, who I want to be. Call me “Weirdo” instead and I’ll take that as a complement with a smiling face.

We also talked about the topics of my comics, of being dark and suicidal, not to mention SATANHIGH and among other things my own blood signatures that are dripping wet when you receive them. I told them I was inspired by the man named Gerry Alanguilan and I’ve always idolized him, his courage on talking about his private life on his comics, on how much he wanted answers from the one he loves that now loves another, he wanted death but it wasn’t his time. He wanted to kill and so he did. Well, all of this happened in his comic book with the name of WASTED. You just have to read it. And if you do, you might get an idea of what’s happening in my head, and sir. Gerry’s too. And I think, anyone that gets burned of heartbreak and pain, realizes that it never really heals, and it really never gets forgotten. It only gets remembered, and before you know it, you are molded to that what you have been through, a broken man, a torn-up man, who is in constant pain. Well I think sir Gerry is over it now, but he tells me that every time he finishes a chapter of WASTED then, he’d get sick, not really because of all the work and the weather, but I think it’s because he’d revisit the pain he went through as he dictates how he feels through “Eric” (his version on Wasted). But now he’s happy, away from the bleeding cutters from his wrist, and he’s married now and giving a lot of inspiration to young people that loves to read comics. Every time I write about something, weather on comics or in just pain short stories and writing, I have to incorporate my life in it. Really, if you haven’t notice, I do that a lot. And it’s because I want to base it on real life, no matter how absurd it got. Real experience, real love and real pain. And with this formula, I can create something with life + death in it that can capture the reader. And after that, I then add the black / dark part to satisfy my own evil desire.

We talked about a lot of things, and before we know it, the tape runs out. And the interview is over. A couple of months later, the December-January issue of Fudge Magazine has an article on me. and I were really shocked. I got an e-mail first of having the article on me on that issue from miss Ana, and Azrael from Artist’s Den ML and I didn’t open it right away when I bought it. I had to wait for EiYa, so we can take a look at it both for the first time. And when we did, we were inside a jeepney going to Quiapo, and to both our surprise, it was one whole page. We almost screamed in the jeepney. The layout was really beautiful and man I couldn’t ask for more, this was really really awesome. And I really loved what miss Ana wrote about me and if I could just tell the world how I feel about that, I would simply say, I was understood.

+ A big THANK YOU to Miss Ana Gan and all of the Fudge Magazine staff.

+ Fudge Magazine December + January Issue + UP DHARMA DOWN + KAMIKAZEE Covers +

+ALSO+

+On this issue, they also featured a lot of people I know, whey have an article about the Fourth Annual Comics Creation Seminar that was organized by Dec 24, 2006, 9:03 PM: and the head honcho of Glass House Graphics, Mr. David Campiti and a lot of art talks and demo of people in he international comic book business like + + + + a lot more and at this even they also had to pose as a model for the quick sketch. And what do you know, if you carefully scan the pics, + I are also there. How amazing. Among other listeners who attended at the seminar were: + + + + +

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+David Campiti Interview was also inside there, well I’ve been trying to get in Glass House’s artist’s Roster since the beginning of time and Mr. Campiti hasn’t hired me to this day. He tells me that my style on comics isn’t quite going to sell in the mass market. And I believe him. So bit by bit I try to forget my own style and try a new prototype style. But it’s a sin to forget my own style so I still continue on making comics in + and the most loved and I still dunno what’s in stored for me in GHG, and what Mr. Campiti is going to do with me next, but since he likes some of my stories, he told me to send some sample stories for one of his comic creations. GHG Website at this [link]

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+Animax Fashion Ability contest was also covered by Fudge Magazine and my friend in UST CFAD Enrico Carado won 1st runner up there. So congrats mr.Enrico! ANIMAX [link]

+HUMANIS REX #19 of Gerry Alanguilan is also there. It’s a monthly issue on Fudge Magazine, every issue they have, it has a Humais Rex page on them and man, I tell you being in a magazine with your idol on Philippine Comics, that possibly changed my outlook on taking one’s life is in the same magazine as I am, is truly a great honor. I bow to KOMIKERO KOMIKS JOURNAL [link]


+ORIGINALLY MINE+

Oh, we even talked about “teddy” my hanged teddy bear, well, polar bear. I told her I hanged him since I was in 1st year college, and I also gave my ex one of those. And that I am the one who truly started it. The whole, “hanged” theme on your bag, I’m saying this here and now because, I’ve been seeing a lot of people doing this and thanks to Fudge, I’ve practically immortalized my own idea of the hanged teddy bear. I’ve got a message to the people who try to imitate the hanged teddy bear. COPY IT. IMMITATE IT MORE. I DON’T CARE. Why? Because it would spread far and wide how a many of my simple idea of mine like this, could be a hit to people in this community of being original and different. Copy it, and every time you see that bear hanged and cute, you’d all remember me. Weather it’s a bear, polar bear, dog, stuffed animal Barbie or what, as long as it’s hanged it originated from me. You can’t buy this anywhere, you’d have to make your own, and people try to tie it like how I tie it, but they seem unsuccessful, because they aren’t really functional, my tie however, can really hang a person. If anyone doesn’t agree with me on this, this whole me being the bear hanged, I can’t blame you. But one thing’s for sure. Anything new I think of would only beg these people for more new ideas for they cannot create their own.

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+ i am one with +

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+Experimental Manga Workshops on January [link]
+ SATANHIGH sin 5 + + OUT NOW
+ Multiply Updates [link]


S.Bless.